A friend at church recently asked, “What makes When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography different than other books written for women on this subject?” I explained that this book is not meant to give her tools and skills to fix her husband. It is for and about her, not her husband.
For 10 years I’ve been speaking at conferences and retreats for women. Regardless of what I’m asked to speak about, at some point, my story comes into the picture. As a result, I meet many women who share their own stories with me. I can’t tell you how many stairwells I’ve sat in with a cup of coffee and a box of tissues as a sister-in-Christ poured out her own journey of walking with a husband addicted to pornography. [Once I slipped out at 7:00 a.m. on the final morning of a retreat to take a load of stuff to my car, I found a woman waiting for me at my car. I invited her back to my room and she curled up on my bed while I put on my makeup. I put it on twice that morning. Once before her story and fresh eyes after her story.]
Too often women tell me that after their husband revealed his addiction, he went to counseling, joined an accountability group, used filtering software … in other words, he did all the “right” things, but she is still hurting, doesn’t trust him, feels betrayed, won’t let him touch her, is angry … There are great books that will help a woman understand her husband’s addiction [I reference them in the appendix of my book], but I wrote my book to help her deal with her heart and these issues.
I’m not a counselor, but I am a wife whose heart has been restored after experiencing the betrayal associated with a husband addicted to pornography, and I have a deep love for the Wonderful Counselor. I feel strongly that Jesus is best equipped to tend to a broken heart and offer hope and healing to a woman regardless of her husband’s daily choices about pornography.
I want you (my reader) to know that this is not your fault. In the end, we are all responsible for ourselves and how we walk in obedience to God’s Word—or don’t. You can’t control your husband’s choices. I also want to assure you that Jesus can and will take the broken pieces of your heart and make something beautiful. Psalm 147:3 confirms that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
If we believe the statistics, 50-70% of Christian men are struggling with pornography. As I said on the video, it stands to reason then that the women who love them (wives, girlfriends) are also hurting.
How has this been handled in your circles of influence?
Do people (women) talk about it? Why/Why not?