Rita A. Schulte ~ Heartline Podcast
NEW BOOK PROVIDES HEALING FOR A WOMAN WHOSE HUSBAND IS ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY Greensboro, NC—When Your Husband Is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart (New Growth Press, October 27, 2012) by author Vicki Tiede is the long‐awaited response to the cries of women who need to heal their heart from the devastation of a husband’s sexual addiction. Today Rita Schulte is interviewing the author in a two part interview.
“It’s been estimated that in the U.S. more than 60 million men, women, and adolescents may now be struggling with excessive porn use, which is a powerful indication of how easy it is to get so immersed in porn that your whole life is thrown off balance,” says Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. and clinical psychologist. (“Internet Porn: Its Problems, Perils, and Pitfalls,” PsychologyToday.com, June 28, 2012)
Tiede interacted with 25 women in a focus group as she wrote her book. The women completed an interview and questionnaire, and Tiede shares their stories in the book. Each chapter includes opportunities for the reader to personalize what they are learning by responding to questions individually or in a group. Tiede outlines levels of addiction in her book, citing that her book addresses Level I on the spectrum of addiction: lust, fantasy, masturbation, and pornography (magazines, Internet, video, cable/satellite TV).
Thomas Plante, Ph.D., A.B.P.P., Professor of Psychology and Director of the Spirituality and Health Institute at Santa Clara University said of the increase in pornography, “With the ease of Internet pornography it is no wonder so many people struggle. Since I work mostly with Catholics and Episcopals often folks talk about this problem with their clergy who refer them to me for help. Typically they feel ashamed of their behavior yet also feel that they can’t stop it.” (“Coping with the Pornography Addiction Explosion,” PsychologyToday.com, July 10, 2012)
Tiede makes it clear in her book that regardless of a husband’s decisions, a woman can gain the healing she needs by first acknowledging her pain and loss and then surrendering unproductive feelings to God in her healing process.
“Vicki entered our marriage with wounds of betrayal from her first marriage. I learned that a woman who has been betrayed by her husband will have lasting wounds that don’t go away quickly. Openness about her wounds is essential to build a trusting and loving relationship,” says Mike Tiede, MA, LP, husband of Vicki Tiede and Master’s Level Psychologist, Mayo Clinic.
Tiede’s book addresses six themes: hope, surrender, trust, identity, brokenness, and forgiveness divided into five days of reading over six weeks. She makes it clear that this is not a handbook for fixing your husband but the focus is to “deal with our own issues and feelings regarding a husband’s lust, masturbation, and pornography.”
Among endorsements from Josh McDowell and others, a licensed marriage and family therapist responds to the book: “My advice to women is first to recognize their husband’s behavior has nothing to do with lack on their part. As the wife internalizes that her worth comes from God and is not dependent on another, she can often replace feelings of rejection, anger and shame with hope,” says Margaret Moore, MA, LMFT, LADC, RN.
Part 1: Aired November 21, 2012
Part 2: Aired November 28, 2012
When Your Husband is Unfaithful Join Marnie and special guest, Vicki Tiede, for marriage training: When Your Husband Is Addicted to Internet Images. Aired November 15, 2012